Fear and Satisfaction

I'm overweight.

I don't like it. In fact, I mostly hate it. I get tired too quickly, physical activity is harder than it should be, my clothes don't all fit... The list could quickly get very long.

And I've tried to lose weight. And I've lost some and regained some and lost some and regained some. Many of you can relate. But here's the thing: I'm a little bit afraid to lose all the weight, because what happens if getting to my "ideal" weight doesn't bring all the "happy, happy, joy, joy" that I feel like it should?

What if I'm still a broken person struggling with insecurity even when I'm skinny? And deep down, I know that is the truth. Being skinny will not fix my humanity. Neither would being taller or faster or smarter or anything.

And so I, and you, have to unpin our hope in this life from our circumstances in this life. We can't hang on to flimsy promises that life will be better when... Because sometimes the "when" doesn't turn out picture perfect like we imagined.

I have friends that went to the doctor last week expecting the all clear in a fight against cancer. Instead they were told that they had another year of chemo with radiation to face. They have to know, that even though this was horrifyingly bad news, that there is hope outside of anything that happens with the 'c' word. Or this little girl that has been fighting for her life just weeks after her family moved to Africa to help free women and children from the sex slave trade. This wasn't the way it was supposed to work out. This isn't what is supposed to happen when you move to a 3rd world country to free slaves... it just isn't. 

But if our hope is found in health or things working out just like we dreamed... then we are missing the beauty of Jesus. He makes beauty from ashes and causes things to grow in the drought of our hearts. 

I need to lose weight, but not because it will fill all my dreams or something, but so I can be healthy for my family and to do what God has set me on this earth to do. I will leave my hope of fulfillment and perfection squarely in his loving and good hands.

Hebrews 12:2-3 (Message)

Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!